Konnor is Four

So ladies and gentlemen, it is time for me to put on my sentimental hat. Don't say I didn't warn you! Konnor is four today. I can't believe it. How did this happen? When did this happen? Of course it makes me look back and so if you feel like joining me on a walk down memory lane, here I go...

I remember when I was in the fifth grade and had to start watching my younger sisters all the time. I had to walk them to and from school. I had to help cook dinner some nights and I had to stop doing most of my friend stuff because I had to keep an eye on them. When my dad left for good I had to stop doing all of my friend stuff that didn't include a friend coming to my home to watch my sisters with me. By the time I was in 9th grade I was cooking dinner, by myself, most nights. My mom was working 3 jobs to pay all of our bills and so I became the other parent. At 17 yrs old, when I graduated and had four years of helping kids with homework, cooking, cleaning, disciplining and sacrificing fun, I promised myself I would never have kids. From all of my experience, it was no fun. I never really thought much about it again. I spent the next four years perfecting the art of selfishness. You wouldn't believe how good I was at it!

And then, there was Konnor. Unplanned, 36 weeks of pure heck pregnancy. Almost 3 months on bed rest, born a month premature, didn't get to see him or hold him the first six hours of his life, barely got to see him for the three days in the hospital. He spent the first week of his life in a bilirubin bed, we could only hold him for 15 minutes out of the hour. It is slightly difficult to learn how to nurse a premature baby who you can't touch. Three weeks of pumping every two hours, mastitis... And then I woke up one day and realized I was in love. This person who I never knew I wanted, was everything that would ever make me happy.

You can't really explain the way you feel about your kids, especially the first one. They change you all in one second. You go to bed one night a married individual and wake up the next day in labor and then here is this person, this part of you that you had forgotten about for the first 22 years of your life. He knows you and knows you are supposed to take care of him and you have no idea how to. But you remember. You remember how you would never be happy without him, and you remember why it is important to be a certain way and you remember the promises you must have made to him before you left him to come to this Earth. As he teaches you the meaning of life, and how God can love us enough to forgive us over and over again, or how he loves us enough to punish us, or to give us a family, you realize why you are really here. You realize how much you love your mom and how much she really did for you, and how hard it must have been for her to work three jobs with four crazy kids at home, and how wonderful she was to still teach us that our Heavenly Father loves us and that is important to go to church and have faith that he will take care of you, even when she wasn't always takedn care of. And that you are as goofy as the next person, and Barney isn't so bad, and that fat (like obese) 6 month old boys are your favorite, and that people who drive minivans do it because they love the way their kids love vans and not because they are lame people, and the reason they drive like crazy people is because they have three screaming kids in the back, and that those dorks who dress up with their kids and dance and sing and skip with their kids in public are the coolest people you could ever hope to be, and that you want more kids. You want an eternal family enough to try really hard to be the person God wants you to be.

When your son has a hard time with something you want to help him, no matter what it takes, and when he excells at something you want to brag and you don't care if it bugs other people, and when the class bully pushes your kid down you want to beat the crap out of that (2 year old) jerk!! When your son doesn't push back, you want to tell him he did something right and you are proud of him (but you wouldn't be any less proud if he socked that kid next time ;)

Thank you Heavenly Father for customizing my Konnor just for me. For making his trials and successes my lessons. For making a cuddly, intelligent, Al Green loving, Text message writing, computer obsessed, forgiving, understanding, generous, bullheaded, beautiful, strong willed angel just for me. Please help me to be the mother he deserves and needs. Thank you for the last four years and please bless me with 400 more.

Konnor was born 5lbs 10 oz and 4 weeks early, at 6 months he weighed in at over 21 pounds. He knew his ABC's by age one, was reading small words by age two, at age three he could read anything in front of him, had memorized most of the state capitols, knew and recognized music by Al Green, Ray Charles, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Blink 182, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Nelly, Ace of Base etc etc. We have had many bumps along our short journey and many many joys. How blessed I am.