Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day (a little late)

So I DID get the memo that you are supposed to blog about being a mom on mother's day, I just didn't get a chance until tonight! Like I ALWAYS say better late than never! SO here it goes. I was laying in bed Friday night thinkin about being a mom and all of my experiences thus far. I thought about how when I was pregnant with Konnor I really didn't think that I would like being a mom. I was mad that I had to get so fat to have a baby, that I had to spend 2 and 1/2 months laying in a bed, I guess to sum it all up I was still really selfish. I was ignorant to the joys of motherhood. Then I woke up on September 23rd 2005 at 3 in the morning in labor. Nine hours later, I couln't care less how "fat" I was, or how much time I had been out of commission. The only thing I cared about was that the baby I had waited to meet for the last 36 weeks was in NICU, out of my reach. We got our sweet beautiful 5 lb 10 oz boy six hours later. After 3 days in the hospital and a week on the "billi" bed(which only allowed us to hold/feed him for 15 minutes out of every hour) I finally got to start being a mom. I had no idea that it would be so amazing. I had no idea that you could love someone that much! Really, somebody should have told This sweet little boy came into this world with a crazy woman for a mom. I hadn't liked kids before, I din't know what you were supposed to do with a kid you had ALL of the time! I loved being with him though, so we made due. For Konnor this meant that instead of singing lullaby's I sang the Alphabet song (seriously to a newborn, I know-crazy!) And when other boys were given a ball to play with I got him numbers, letters and books. And when I finally gave into his love of cars, we would sit on the floor and I would line them up into rows of colors. I know he must really love me b/c he went along with it. This resulted in a child with OCD tendencies, who was very highly strung, intensely logical, able to identify his ABC's at one, reading at two; in a nutshell he was Me but smarter. It took me three years to realize this, Poor kid. Luckily he has outgrown pretty much all of it, except the smart part! BUT in the meantime, I loved Konnor so much and he brought so much joy into our lives that by the time he was one, I wanted another one! This came as a MAJOR shock to anyone who knew me, especially those that remembered my first pregnancy. BUT after less than a month of trying Mckenzie was cooking. We knew she was supposed to be here. This time it was an easier pregnancy, a happier birth experience, a smoother transition. OK, other than adjusting to having a whiny girl :) The whole time I was pregant with her my only worry was how will this affect Konnor? I worried so much about it that I even got a blessing. In that blessing I was promised that this baby was going to be a great help to Konnor. And then there was Mckenzie! After a five hour labor (unless you count the two weeks before that...) she was born on June 28 2007. She was barely two days early and weighed in at a tiny 6lb 1 oz. " She is a little peanut" the Dr said when he held her up. From day one She was a very different kid. Where Konnor went along with pretty much anything I imposed on him, she would not have any of it. She is a feisty, freespirited funny little girl who would rather eat sour cream and shredded cheese than anything in this world. I finally let go a little allowing my kids to play like normal kids, and spend time away from me (ha ha) Turns out, she did help Konnor, and me too! I look back on my short time as a mother so far and realize how much we learn with our kids. Unfortunately they have to suffer through our learning. I am so proud of my kids for being as great as they are with such a nutcase for mom. I guess that's where they took after Aarik! In true "Jessica" form I will have to tell you not the greatest thing about being a mom, but the hardest. The hardest thing about being a mom for me is how much I love my kids! I never knew I could feel such a desire to protect, preserve, enlighten, enrich, cultivate etc etc. I wish I could lock them up at home, away from diseases and mean people, and pride and predjudice... wait what are we talking about again? I still haven't found the way to do all of these things, but I won't stop trying. I guess if we can't lock them away, we have to do our best to teach them about Heavenly Father and his plan for us. Never have I spent so much time on my knees in prayer. Never have I been so grateful for the atonement, which will allow me to be with my wonderful family, even though I am sooo imperfect. Never had I looked at other people as someone's child. Never had I realized that I really did like kids all along, I just didn't know it yet. My boobs hang a little lower these days, and no matter what size my jeans are, I know my rear will never be what it used to be, but I am so grateful for my children. I couldn't have two better ones. I look forward to the day I get to meet my third child (be it here, or in heaven). I will evermore have motivation to be good, keep trying, live righteously. I know I will make mistakes, I know I have made mistakes, but I am grateful for the chance I have been given to better myself. I hope my mom knows how much I love and appreciate the example she has been in my life. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all of the Mom's, will be mom's, Nana's, Grandma's, will be Grandma's, Klacki's, Mimi's and Granny's out there!


  1. Jessica you are so sweet! I loved it! I can't wait to be a mom!

  2. What a great post, I can just hear you telling me all of those things. I can't wait to be a mom too! :)